ONENESS

“Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”  (Genesis 1:27) Marriage should be a refuge of love, joy, and comfort. That’s why we have this institution of “oneness” of “one flesh”  

Definition: The quality of being one; singleness; sameness; identity; unity of thought, feeling aim; harmony; uniqueness.   Genesis: 2:23-24; Proverbs 18:22

When Adam was presented with woman he knew immediately that he had found a good thing. From the heat of godly passion, Adam named the woman. He named her in a unique way- after himself. Some say that Adam was so in tune and in proper relationship with God that the spirit of prophecy came upon him and he declared: “ ..therefore, shall a man leave his father and this mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” 

Cleave means “sexual intercourse” However, when it’s translated, it’s turned into “being joined together”

New Testament: Ephesians 5:31 “Joined” “to be adhered to” and can refer to the physical act of sex. But pros indicate a deep intimacy, a face to face encounter. When you put the two words together, the Bible is describing the one flesh [oneness] relationship between husband and wife.

Therefore in verse 24 its saying that since he had found joy in his woman, there are certain things that must be done in order for them to become one. Becoming one flesh is a process .

One must leave and cleave before he can become one.

1. Leave is something that they both had to do. Genesis 1:27; Pslams 45:10, 11) to leave your parents means that the priority of your relationship with them MUST change.

2.  2. Cleave, means to be joined to, to stick to. Totally united in life, purpose and pleasure. “Let a man forsake    or abandon his father and mother in order that he may cleave unto his wife and in order that they might become one flesh. If he does not leave, he cannot cleave, nor can he become one flesh.

“Become” is the strongest indication of change “to be” getting married is like becoming a Christian.

     II Corinthian 5:17 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Same thing, we commit ourselves to Christ, trust Christ faithfully and completely regardless of how we feel or what problem arise. This is why marriage is symbolic of Christ’s relationship to the church in 

Ephesians 5

One Flesh involves more than just two individuals having sex. In the act of sex, husband and wife have a relationship, not just a physical experience.

Man and woman are the only creatures God designed to have sexual intercourse face to face. Binding your body, mind and soul. With a face to face relationship we have the spirit.

Three benefits for oneness:

  1.        When two are together and one falls, the other can help the other up

              2.        If two lie together they can keep each other warm   
              3.        If two are attacked, together they can fight and overcome the enemy.

      

      Note: A cord of threefold is not quickly broken. The strength in oneness is in God. Two together shows marriage on a physical level, but in natural and spiritual level the third cord that binds both into oneness is God’s covenant.

                                         Where two and more are gathered he is there!!!

                                                  Enjoy each other

BASIC NEEDS OF A MAN & WOMAN....

"How can two walk together except they agree?" Amos 3:3

A wife or potential makes herself irresistible to her husband/man by learning to meet his five basic needs: 

1. His needs for admiration and respect. She understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anythings else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self confidence. She is proud of her husband/or potential, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 22:23, 33)

2. His need for sexual fulfillment. She becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies here own responses to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable. (Proverbs 5:15-29, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Corinthians 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)

3. His need for home support, she creates a home that offers him a atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother/potential is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13, 19:13, 21:9,19 25:24)


4. His need for attractiveness. She is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make up, and clothes in a way that her husband/potential/man finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband is pleased and proud of her in public, and also in private. (Songs of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 6:13, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)


5. His need for a life companion. She develops mutual interests with her husband/man. She discovers those activities her husband/man enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they can enjoy together. She becomes her husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Songs of Solomon 8:1-2, 6)

The Seven Basic Needs of a Woman


Any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her seven basic needs

1. Her need for a spiritual leader. He is a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. he takes the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for the family.  He becomes a capable and competent student of God's Word and lives out before all a life founded on the Word of God. he lead his wife/woman in becoming a woman of God, and he takes the lead in training the children in the things of the Lord. (Psalm 1, Ephesians 5:23-27)

2. Her need to personal affirmation/appreciation. He praises her for personal attributes and qualities. he extols her virtues as a wife/woman, mother, and homemaker. He openly commends her, in the presence of others, as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She feels that to him, no one is more important in this world. (Proverbs 31:28-29, Songs of Solomon 4:1-7, 6:4-9, 7:1-9)

3. Her need for personal affection (romance). He showers her with timely and generous displays of affection. he also tells her how much he cares for her with a steadfast flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. Remember: Affection is the environment in which sexual union is enjoyed and a wonderful marriage developed. (Songs of Solomon 6:10, 13 Ephesians 5:28-29, 33)

4. Her need for intimate conversation. He talks with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). He listens to her thoughts (i.e. her heart) about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Conversations with her convey a desire to understand her, not to change her. (Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 8:13-14, I Peter 3:7)

5. Her need for honesty and openness. He looks into her eyes and, in love, tells her what he really thinks (Ephesians 4:15) . He explains his plans and actions clearly and completely because he regards himself as responsible  for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. (Proverbs 15:22-23)

6. Her need form home support and stability. He firmly shoulders the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. He provides and protects, and he does not feel sorry for himself when things get tough. Instead he looks for concrete ways to improve home life. He desires to raise their marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember: The husband/man is the security hub of the family/relationship. (1 Timothy 5:8)

7. Her need for family commitment. He puts his family first. he commits his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the children. For examples, he prays with them especially at night be the bedside. He reads to them, he engages in sports with them, and takes them on other outings. He does not play the fool's game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while children and spouse languish in neglect. (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:19-20)

Communication

"The tongue of the just is a choice silver" Proverb 10:20a

One of the main keys to success is COMMUNICATION

Amos 3:3       Harmony and agreement are not possible unless there has been some communication 

Definition: The imparting or interchange of knowledge, thoughts,                                                                          opinions, or information by speech, writing or signs. 

Requirements of good communication   

A. Openness/honesty  

Ephesians 4:25: Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

I John 1:7-10: 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all^b sin.8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

I Corinthians 2:11: For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God

1. Transparent: Reveal yourself to each other

• If not, the result will be a breakdown in the relationship, because you would not really know each other
• We know each other, to some degree, by observing; but we need to know each other in depth--this is done by opening our hearts wide. So that the other person can related to the real you. 
• Discuss the small irritations and things that annoys (small foxes spoil the vine) 

2. Honesty (Guidelines)

• Is it really true? (Do I have all the facts)
• Is what I would like to say profitable. Will it hurt? Be constructive or destructive?
• Is it the right time for me to say it?
• Is my attitude right?
• Are the words I'm about to use the best possible way of saying it?
• Have I prayed about it?
• 
  

B. Self Control

1. Short fuse

• Do you get angry quick? (James 1:19) My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
• Do you speak you mind calling a "spade a spade" ?
• WORDS CAN HURT!!! (Proverb 12:18: 18Reckless words pierce like a sword,but the tongue of the wise brings healing; Proverb 16:27: A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire; James 3:5-8 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.)
• Hasty/Careless, bitter, cutting (Ephesians 4:2, 29, 31: 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.)

When there is no self control, the result is communication shuts down and the relationship deteriorates. 

C. Listening 

1. Pay attention in order to understand 

2. Let others speak without interruption (Proverb 18:13: He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame.) 

Try to see things from the other's standpoint 

• One of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says, "Seek first to understand, than to be understood"

TWELVE PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR DEVELOPING AND MAINTAINING GOOD COMMUNICATION 

1. When there are problems, each must be willing to admit the they are apart of the problem. (Proverb 20:6 Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?)

2. Each person must be willing to change. (John 5:6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?")

3. Avoid the use of emotionally charged words. "You don't really love me" "You always do...." " You never do anything right" " You don't care" 

4. Be responsible for your own emotions, words, actions, and reactions. Don't blame them on the other person. You got angry, lashed out, became depressed, etc...(Galatians 6:5 for each one should carry his own load.) 

5. Refrain from having reruns on old arguments  (Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry)

6. Deal with one problem at a time. Solve one problem and then move on to the next. (Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own)

7. Deal in the resent and not in the past. Hang a "no fishing" sign over the past unless it will help you to solve your present problems. (Isaiah 43:25 "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more)

8. major on the positive instead of majoring on the negative. (Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things)

9. Learn to communicate in non verbal ways. (Matthew 8:14-15 14When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. 15He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him) 

10. Express your thoughts and concerns to each other. Relate your activities. Listen understand, and respond to the meaning behind what a person is saying. When he flies off the handle at you, he may be saying, "I've had a terrible day at the job, nobody respects me" When he say, "You don't love me" he maybe really saying "I desperately need some affections; I'm starved for love" (John 1:45-47 45Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”46“Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked 47When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false.”)

11. Practice the golden rule ( Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets)

12. Practice the principle laid down in Luke 6:35. "Do good--do that which will help others: and lend expecting and hoping for nothing in return" 

Relationship Steps with the Opposite Sex

Many people get married believing they love each other and then become bitterly disappointed. These people often separate or get divorced. In such cases, there are often recurring factors. The three major factors are: 1. the individuals did not know each other well enought to know what to expect after marriage.; 2. they did not have Biblical concepts of what love is; or 3. they had become physically involved with one another almost from the outset of their relationship.

Single people need to take their time and develop relationships with the opposite sex before there is even any intimate kissing

CONSIDERATIONS DURING RELATIONSHIP

1. Are you guys really trying to get to know each other?

2. What does each person want out of the relationship?

3. Try not to experiment sexually, it makes thing confusing....even for the guy

4. Where are you compatible and what is your differences?

5. Begin to build positive relationship with environment (other friends, family, and careers)

6. What is the other looking for in a role of a mate?

7. Determine if you can really meet the needs of each other?

8. Observe how you intend, and how you actually express your feelings to each other. Is it satisfactory to you. Be honest, talk about it. See how the other adjust. (don't lie to yourself)

9. Discover future life and possible family goals. (where do you see yourself)

10. How do you work on disappointments. (what happens when you cant afford something)

E.g. a good idea is to save together for a trip, or something you guys would love to do together. Then you can see how well each other focus on economic goals.

11. Take your time and don't rush these processes. Don't worry about what people say if the relationship doesn't work. If you both communicate very well, you should both be in support of decisions.

When two and two become one...

We all have 5 different love languages. Some of us may have one, or a combination of some. There are real special people out there with all five. The good news is that they can also be developed. Welcome to Love Languages where Relationships Rule!!!

1. Affirmation 2. Gifts 3. Doing 4. Time and

5. Touch


Affirmation: "1 Corinthians 8:1" "Love edifies" One of the ways to express love is to use words... E.g. "You look Gorgeous" "I really appreciate how hard you have been working"

Gifts: This is universal. It need not be expensive, it really is the thought that counts.

Doing: Cooking a meal, washing dishes, cleaning the car. Doing something that you know some else doesn't have the time to do, or if they appear not be very good in that area...Appreciation is a good stage for intimacy.

Time: "Quality Time" There is nothing more special than giving yourself, talking, watching a show together, walking, working out together, there are so many ways to express the language of quality time...This particular one can get very interesting. This is where the emotions start to connect...(most women primary language)

Touch: Holding hands, embracing, sexual intercourse, touching on shoulders, rubbing necks, placing hands on legs, touching feet...(most men primary language)

Everyone has a primary, and most of the time like they say "opposites attract"; and most of the time we have the opposite love languages with the ones we fall for.


"One plus one equal one may not be an accurate mathematical concept, but it is an accurate description of God's intention for the marriage relationship. That is an accurate description of God's purpose for the marriage relationship.


Genesis 2:24


"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" This includes the wife leaving too...

Proverbs 14:23"In all labor there is profit", no where is that more true than marriage and good relationships. It's work. Good relationships do not just happen.

They are a result of dedicated, diligent, consistent prayers and work on both parts.

WELCOME TO LOVE LANGUAGES!!! WHERE RELATIONSHIPS RULES!!!

please feel free to leave a post, question, comment, poem, expression, link...

Cheers!!!