Communication

"The tongue of the just is a choice silver" Proverb 10:20a

One of the main keys to success is COMMUNICATION

Amos 3:3       Harmony and agreement are not possible unless there has been some communication 

Definition: The imparting or interchange of knowledge, thoughts,                                                                          opinions, or information by speech, writing or signs. 

Requirements of good communication   

A. Openness/honesty  

Ephesians 4:25: Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

I John 1:7-10: 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all^b sin.8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

I Corinthians 2:11: For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God

1. Transparent: Reveal yourself to each other

• If not, the result will be a breakdown in the relationship, because you would not really know each other
• We know each other, to some degree, by observing; but we need to know each other in depth--this is done by opening our hearts wide. So that the other person can related to the real you. 
• Discuss the small irritations and things that annoys (small foxes spoil the vine) 

2. Honesty (Guidelines)

• Is it really true? (Do I have all the facts)
• Is what I would like to say profitable. Will it hurt? Be constructive or destructive?
• Is it the right time for me to say it?
• Is my attitude right?
• Are the words I'm about to use the best possible way of saying it?
• Have I prayed about it?
• 
  

B. Self Control

1. Short fuse

• Do you get angry quick? (James 1:19) My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
• Do you speak you mind calling a "spade a spade" ?
• WORDS CAN HURT!!! (Proverb 12:18: 18Reckless words pierce like a sword,but the tongue of the wise brings healing; Proverb 16:27: A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire; James 3:5-8 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.)
• Hasty/Careless, bitter, cutting (Ephesians 4:2, 29, 31: 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.)

When there is no self control, the result is communication shuts down and the relationship deteriorates. 

C. Listening 

1. Pay attention in order to understand 

2. Let others speak without interruption (Proverb 18:13: He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame.) 

Try to see things from the other's standpoint 

• One of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says, "Seek first to understand, than to be understood"

TWELVE PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS FOR DEVELOPING AND MAINTAINING GOOD COMMUNICATION 

1. When there are problems, each must be willing to admit the they are apart of the problem. (Proverb 20:6 Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?)

2. Each person must be willing to change. (John 5:6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?")

3. Avoid the use of emotionally charged words. "You don't really love me" "You always do...." " You never do anything right" " You don't care" 

4. Be responsible for your own emotions, words, actions, and reactions. Don't blame them on the other person. You got angry, lashed out, became depressed, etc...(Galatians 6:5 for each one should carry his own load.) 

5. Refrain from having reruns on old arguments  (Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry)

6. Deal with one problem at a time. Solve one problem and then move on to the next. (Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own)

7. Deal in the resent and not in the past. Hang a "no fishing" sign over the past unless it will help you to solve your present problems. (Isaiah 43:25 "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more)

8. major on the positive instead of majoring on the negative. (Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things)

9. Learn to communicate in non verbal ways. (Matthew 8:14-15 14When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. 15He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him) 

10. Express your thoughts and concerns to each other. Relate your activities. Listen understand, and respond to the meaning behind what a person is saying. When he flies off the handle at you, he may be saying, "I've had a terrible day at the job, nobody respects me" When he say, "You don't love me" he maybe really saying "I desperately need some affections; I'm starved for love" (John 1:45-47 45Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”46“Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked 47When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false.”)

11. Practice the golden rule ( Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets)

12. Practice the principle laid down in Luke 6:35. "Do good--do that which will help others: and lend expecting and hoping for nothing in return"